You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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