I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
