I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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