So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
