I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
