Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
