honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
