Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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