8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
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