I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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