dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
