Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
