All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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