I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
