dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
