Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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