so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
