i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
