$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
