I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
