Just fell off a train. Bad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
