He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
