So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
