did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
