im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
