What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
