dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Randomize
