DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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