Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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