just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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