So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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