My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
