Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
