when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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