if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
