Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
