At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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