Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
