shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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