I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
