He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosι, bitch!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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