If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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