He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want nice things and good sex
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
