My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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