he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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