I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
