I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
