who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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