I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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