Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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