A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
