So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
