I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
