I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just pee around me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
