The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
