I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize
