We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
nutella sex= disaster
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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