Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
