Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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