It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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