I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
