please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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