I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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