My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
