I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
